Building Your Self Esteem

By - karengray
02.12.19 12:20 PM

Basically, you are the smartest person you know, and you believe everything you say.

 

What you say to yourself is extremely important. When you tell yourself something, either positive or negative, you are reinforcing that idea. And just like those famous drooling dogs of Pavlov’s, that continuous reinforcement makes those positive or negative statements of yours real.

 

Not only that, but negative self talk is further reinforced by the negativity of others. If your own inner dialogue is constantly putting you down, you are more likely to believe others if they put you down, and to not believe the ones who compliment you.

 

Of course, the opposite is true. When you build and maintain a strong self esteem and a positive inner dialogue, your inner voice is supporting you, and you are less likely to believe others if they criticize you or put you down.

 

The Effects of Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk can affect us in some pretty damaging ways. Studies have linked negative self-talk with higher levels of stress and lower levels of self-esteem. This can lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness. This type of critical inner dialogue has even been linked to depression.

 

Negative self talk and low self esteem can create an experience where we begin to believe that we don't have the ability to reach the goals we've set for ourselves. In this version of reality, we have a lowered ability to see opportunities around us, and less tendency to capitalize on those opportunities. In this negative place we experience more stress, and more of the negative effects of stress.

 

There is some research that shows negative self-talk can lead to an exacerbation of feelings of depression and relationship challenges. Constant self-criticism and more general negative habits like a lack of communication and even a "playful" amount of criticism can take a toll.​

 

Where Does Negative Self Talk Come From?

It is possible that you learned how to think about yourself from the people who influenced you the most. And, especially when using hypnosis to build self esteem and eliminate negative thoughts, it doesn’t matter where it came from. The origin of the negative thinking isn’t always an important part of finding a solution to the problem.

 

Let me explain: Imagine that you come home to find that you have mice in your home. A lot of mice. You manage to get rid of them by whatever means you prefer, and you want to keep them from coming back. In order to do that, you only need to know how they are getting into your house and prevent that from happening again. You do not need to know where they came from, how they feel about you, what they enjoy about your house, where they lived before coming to your place, or who their parents were.

 

Yes, there are some very rare occasions that this information might be useful. And again, you may find that you learn the answers to these questions as you successfully secure your home against further invasion, but more often than not, the origin of this problem is not important to finding the solution.

 

And there is one more very very important thing. Your thoughts are not mice.

 

Your thought are your thoughts.

 

They are YOUR thoughts. And YOU control them.

 

I know that seems like a stretch at the moment, but that’s just because you don’t know how yet. So bear with me, and you can learn how to take back those parts of your life that you thought were out of control.

 

You Are at the Mercy of NOTHING!

There is a theme that carries through everything we teach here - You Have Much More Control Over What You Think and Feel Than You Ever Thought Possible. This idea comes from one of the defining principles of how your brain works.

 

We tend to think that we are at the mercy of our thoughts and feelings. But it turns out that we are, in fact, in control. And once you learn how to take control of those thoughts and feelings, you can begin to define your life however you’d like.

 

Reprogramming by Conditioning

One of the tools I see popping up on the internet is to practice being positive. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively, tell yourself three positive things right away. In general, I think that this is a great idea. Repetition creates change, and whatever we practice we get really good at.

 

The problem I see with this is using your Conscious Mind to fight your more powerful Subconscious Mind. It is an uphill battle, as any one who has tried to change a habit (like quitting smoking) knows, and it takes determination and perseverance to create lasting changes this way. Your Subconscious Mind is determined to maintain your habits as they are, because it feels like that is the best way to keep you alive and well. It will not give up easily, and it can use your feelings and emotions against you.

 

Do It Anyway Absolutely do everything you can think of to be more positive and kinder to yourself every chance you get. Just know that you are up against some stiff competition.

 

The Negative News Channel

Another idea is to imagine your negative thoughts are being broadcast from the “Negative News Channel” in your mind. It’s okay to have a little fun with this, even smiling as you learn to hear your negative self-talk through the Negative News Channel.

 

Go ahead and start thinking of what your Negative News Channel might broadcast. It might say something like, “This is NNC, the Negative News Channel, broadcasting 24/7 and 365 days a year. Today I am fat, I am ugly, and I am a bad person.”

 

Identify some of your own negative thoughts and hear them through the news anchor’s voice on the NNC. “I am stuck in this situation. I am never doing anything right and I am going to screw up the future.” Go ahead and hear it again, each time letting it sound more and more ridiculous.

 

It sounds absurd, doesn’t it? In the past you automatically bought into those thoughts that you created, and by creating the NNC, you have heard those thoughts played back through another person’s voice. This enables you to recognize that those thoughts are just thoughts.

 

“I Have Good Self Esteem! How Do I Keep It?”

Yeah! It feels great to feel great about yourself! Now, let’s hang on to that great feeling.

 

It is important to listen to your emotions, and what they are trying to tell you. Emotions are like little alarms, or the lights on the dashboard of your car. They let you know when something is going on that needs your attention. Take a few moments to check in with your emotions and listen to what they are telling you. This can keep you from sliding down that slippery slope into insecurities and negative self talk.

 

When we have a healthy self esteem we can see pretty clearly all the good we have going for us. Spend a moment or two each day to recognize how well things are going. This helps keep the positive things first in our minds.

 

Keep feeding your mind that good positive nutrition of those good positive thoughts. You will find that as your focus shifts away from the negative things in your life, every aspect of your life becomes more positive.

 

The Role of Hypnosis

Hypnosis is a versatile tool that you can use successfully, even without knowing exactly what the “problem” is or what caused it. In the process of therapeutic hypnosis, it just isn’t necessary to dig up  and relive all the old wounds of the past.

 

We work from a pretty simple formula defined by two important questions:

  1. How do things look and feel like now?

  2. How would you rather look and feel?

From here we can begin the process of giving you the tools to reprogram your feelings, patterns, habits, and behaviors to have things look and feel more like you want them to look and feel.

 

Hypnosis is a tool for creating change by reprogramming our automatic patterns and behaviors. You can think of hypnosis as the process of learning how to take back control of those things you thought were out of control before. In fact, people often use hypnosis as a tool for building up their strengths, even as a way to prevent problems in the future.

 

Self Esteem is an emotional state, and emotional states are managed and controlled by your subconscious mind. Self talk and negative thinking are habits, or patterns of behavior, and are also managed and controlled by your subconscious mind. Stress, anxiety, and even depression are all emotional states that come from the subconscious mind. Hypnosis allows you to create changes at the source of patterns, habits and behaviors, directly in the subconscious mind.

 

Hypnosis, all by itself, is a state of consciousness, a trance state where you are more open to suggestions. Clinical hypnosis uses that trance state to teach people how to let go of emotional baggage, reprogram their inner dialogue, change the way they react in stressful situations, and learn how to shift feelings easily.∎

 

Karen Gray is a Certified Hypnotist, a Registered Nurse, and the Director of Green Mountain Hypnosis. For more information on how you can use hypnosis to change your life, contact Karen at karengray@greenmountainhypnosis.com, or (802) 566-0464.

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