Creating Space Between Our Emotions and Our Actions

And, before we can even register what’s happening, we react.

The Pattern of Reacting

Reactions are subconscious. The moment our mind notices something that has the potential to feel bad or threatening, it initiates the reaction and we're already knee-deep in it before we're consciously aware of what's going on.

Those subconscious reactions are built from old emotions, old experiences, and the ways we learned to protect ourselves in the past. In that instant, there’s no filter. The harsh words spill out, the body tenses, the heart pounds, we might cry, or yell, or say things out of anger that we don't really mean (or we do mean, but wouldn't have said them that way). Sometimes our reactions are physical, either internally or externally.

And when the moment passes, we’re often left with a mess of hurt feelings, things we wish we hadn't said, and a mix of emotions from shame to guilt to more frustration, or worse.

Now, reacting isn't all bad. It's the same mental mechanism that keeps us alive in unexpected situations. If you let the mind run without direction, it will react to everything, often emotionally, and sometimes physically. In our day-to-day lives, reacting becomes a problem when our reactions are causing more problems than they are solving.

The Shift Into Responding

Responding is different. We're supposed to feel stuff. Those emotions are there to let us know that the mind thinks something needs our attention. It's like a notification bell going off whenever our subconscious notices something familiar.

When you hear the notification chime on your phone, you get to decide how you'll respond to it. You might check it right away, or save it for later when you have the time and bandwidth to address it, or you might ignore it entirely. Instead of letting the mind react automatically to every notification, you can be more selective about what you respond to , and how. We can create just enough space between us and our feelings to decide how to respond.

It begins with noticing that you're feeling something. I've heard from a lot of clients that they just can't catch the emotion before they're having it. And they're right! That would be the same thing as knowing the notification is coming before the phone chimes.

Taking into account how our mind works, it's way more effective to interrupt the feeling when you notice it, and pause. Just pause for a second. Sit down, turn your body around, do something that changes your momentum.

That pause doesn’t erase the feeling. It gives us just enough space to begin to decide how we want to respond to what's happening. You're probably still upset in that moment, but your direction has shifted, and you're giving yourself the opportunity to decide what to do with that emotion.

Practicing P.A.C.E.

One tool I use myself, and often teach my clients, is called P.A.C.E. It’s less a formula and more a gentle pattern to lean on while we're healing the things that cause us to react.

We pause as soon as we notice we're feeling something big.

We ask ourselves what’s really going on. What's happening right in front of us rather than the thing from the past that's driving the emotions.

We consider what to do next. What response is most likely to get us closer to a better feeling outcome? Maybe we walk away, or ask more questions, quietly stand our ground, or begin to open up to looking at things from another perspective.

And we empower ourselves to respond to what's happening in this moment, rather than reacting from a place of fear, hurt, or anger.

How Hypnosis Helps

Hypnosis helps by collapsing emotional triggers while reinforcing your sense of safety and security. So you're not losing anything, you're just clearing out the debris of past hurts. You're giving your mind better, more updated information to help you respond differently to situations that used to trigger big emotions.