“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong - sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown
Holding On...
Have you ever noticed that sometimes you have a difficult time letting go of a negative emotion, an emotion you wish you could make disappear? In today’s article I’ll explain why that happens and also give you a few techniques to lessen the intensity of those unpleasant feelings.
When you feel upset, you will often say “I am upset” - with an emphasis on the “I am.” To your subconscious mind (the part that is in charge of your emotions) you are giving an instruction. It feels like who you are is upset, and that you are almost defined by that feeling.
Remember that the subconscious mind follows the instructions that we give it. So, by saying “I am upset” you are giving the subconscious mind an instruction, and it will respond by influencing your emotions and actions to maintain this state.
Another reason that we tend to hold on to negative feelings, is to keep the validation, or the justification of the feeling. Some part of you doesn’t want to let go of the meaning (the event) that caused the feeling, because it validates and justifies having the feeling. For example, imagine someone says or does something and you feel angry. We naturally assign meaning to things that happen to us, so in this case you may have given this event the meaning “If he really cared about me, he wouldn’t have done it.”
The meaning you gave to the event justifies and validates your feeling of anger. The feeling of anger (of being upset), feels like a part of who you are, because thinking or saying it gave a clear instruction to your subconscious mind. So, if you realized the event had no inherent meaning, you could no longer justify the anger. So some part of you wants to hold on to the meaning, to remain in harmony with what your subconscious believes you are.
Letting Go…
Here are some exercises that may help you to let go, and move past these negative and limiting emotions.
Realize that the emotion you are having now is being caused by the meaning you assigned to a reality that has no inherent meaning on its own.
Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes - and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Use self hypnosis, or work with a hypnotist, to release stubborn negative feelings. Hypnosis will allow you to work in the space of the subconscious mind to “re-write” the negative and limiting instructions.
The next time you experience an upset or any other negative feeling, allow yourself to recognize that some part of you seems to be holding on to it. See if my explanation accurately describes your experience. Then, use any of the three techniques I described in this article to reduce the intensity of the feeling.
For more information about this article, or about hypnosis, you can contact the author, Karen Gray. Karen is a Certified Hypnotist, a Registered Nurse, and the Director of Green Mountain Hypnosis in Lebanon, NH. Green Mountain Hypnosis is a client-centered hypnosis practice helping everyday people to live better lives. You may contact Karen by email at info@greenmountainhypnosis.com, or by calling (802) 566-0464.