We can be really critical of ourselves sometimes. We might tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, we aren’t strong enough, or even that we don’t deserve something good. Sometimes we put down the way we look or act, and still other times we may put ourselves down by saying that we are stupid, slow, impatient, unlovable, and worse.
Each time we hear these in our minds, we reinforce these negative beliefs and subconsciously shape our behaviors to validate these negative thoughts. We become what we say to ourselves.
The effect that negative self-talk has on a person is very similar to how affirmations are used to instill positive thoughts. Consistently repeating an idea tells the subconscious mind that you are trying to establish a new behavior. The subconscious mind accepts these thoughts and words as truth and then acts on them, making those negative thoughts a reality.
Getting Positive
You have the power to change what you say to yourself and about yourself. The first and probably easiest way is by using the hypnotic technique of reframing.
Reframing works by changing the language you use to produce a different result. When we do this hypnotically, we are using language patterns that the subconscious mind can recognize and act on, creating nearly instant changes in how we feel.
We all use what we call self-identifying statements. These are sentences that say something absolute about our feelings, experience, or behavior. Some common examples are “I always have trouble sleeping,” “I just can’t lose weight,” and “I’m not good enough.”
These are very powerful statements, not just because of what they are saying. They are powerful because of how they are saying it. These self-identifying statements are stated in absolute terms, which means there is no possibility of any alternative outcome other than what the statement says. Your subconscious mind hears them as instructions, and acts to maintain the feelings and behaviors that promote those statements.
Affirmations are positive statements that you can use to say nice things about yourself that may contradict the self-identifying statements you’ve been struggling with. Using our examples above the positive affirmations may sound like “I sleep soundly every night and wake up feeling refreshed and alert,” “Excess weight just falls off my body,” and “I deserve all the good things in life.”
It isn’t uncommon to use affirmations by repeating a positive statement several times a day for several weeks. Eventually this will work, in the same way that the negative beliefs were reinforced in your inner dialogue, and it may take months or longer to experience a shift in thinking and behavior.
The reason why traditional affirmations take so long to create change has to do with how your subconscious mind (that part of you responsible for your feelings and behaviors) hears new information. Your subconscious has the job of maintaining your present state, both physically and mentally to keep you alive, so it only responds to information that it is already familiar with. The change in ideas from the negative statement to the opposite positive statements described above is too abrupt for the subconscious to consider, so it ignores them. Repeating positive affirmations over and over again for weeks and months makes them sound familiar to the subconscious mind over time, and changes will happen slowly.
There is a way to change the language around to make your affirmations work faster and more effectively by changing just a few key words.
Magic Words
The first step is to become aware of your personal negative self-identifying statements. Make a list of all the mean things you say to yourself, those things that you believe are true but would rather change.
Now that we know the things you’ve been beating yourself up with, you can start to change the language - and the meaning - of those words.
Our magic words are “Used To.” Rewrite each of your negative beliefs using the words “used to.”
“I always have trouble sleeping,” “I just can’t lose weight,” and “I’m not good enough” becomes “I used to have trouble sleeping,” “I used to not be able to lose weight,” and “I used to feel like I was not good enough.”
Now you can use your super-charged affirmations every day and start seeing positive changes in the way you think, feel, and act right away.
These magic words work because they keep enough of the familiar old thoughts that the subconscious recognizes, and changes the context of them, putting them into the past and allowing the possibility of a different outcome. Because we are using language your subconscious already understands, it begins to create changes immediately.
Having an inner dialogue is healthy and normal. Unfortunately, we are all too often reinforcing negative thoughts that break down our confidence and lead to self-defeating behaviors. By becoming aware of those negative statements and replacing them with positive thoughts your subconscious can act on, you will enjoy the benefits of a more positive, productive, and happier life.∎
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Karen Gray is a Certified Hypnotist, Registered Nurse, and Director of Green Mountain Hypnosis. For more information on how you can use hypnosis to change your life,