You Are What You Say You Are

By - karengray
02.05.18 08:22 PM

“You Are What You Say You Are!”


You have heard me use the term before. This week I want to share with you why this phrase is at the foundation of everything I do. This phrase is the key to unlocking my client’s ability to make the real and lasting changes that they want to make in their lives, and it all starts with their Inner Dialogue.


We all have an Inner Dialogue. It is that constant silent stream of conversation that we have going on inside our minds every day.


There is a continuous conversation going on in everyone's head, all the time. A lot of energy, time and attention goes into maintaining these conversations, and their emotional impact on us is as real as anything else we might experience. This conversation goes on from the moment we wake up until we fall asleep.


The inner dialogue continues even while we are working, studying, reading, watching TV, talking, walking and eating. All throughout our day there is a constant stream of conversation in our mind, commenting on what is going on around us and telling us how we might feel about it all. In our minds, we are constantly planning, gossiping, and even having imaginary mental conversations with people we know or don't know.


These conversations with ourselves are extremely important, because we believe them. We see ourselves as an authority figure. We see ourselves as someone that wouldn’t lie to us or mislead us. So when we tell ourselves something, we automatically assume that what we are saying is factual, or that we are telling ourselves the truth.


These inner dialogues tend to have a “snowball effect”. Each time you hear the same thing repeated, you believe it with more conviction and determination. Think about the way you hear news. If you hear something once from a coworker, you may feel skeptical about it, until you hear it a few more times. The more often you hear something, the more believable it becomes.


So, the more often you tell yourself something, the more you believe it. You become chained to it, accepting it as fact. When the conversation in your mind causes you to feel emotions, more energy is attached to the thoughts, giving those thoughts even more validity and power. This can have an adverse effect on behavior, judgment, emotional states, and general performance.


On many occasions, our inner dialogue is negative. We are often the most critical of ourselves, telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough, we aren’t strong enough, or even that we do not deserve something. These negative thoughts strengthen any negative attitudes and behaviors. Because we hear these statements as fact - because why would we lie to ourselves? - we subconsciously shape our behaviors to reinforce and validate these negative thoughts.


We can see an example of this in the story of a man who had lost a charm that he believed brought him luck. As soon as he discovered it was missing, he began to suddenly experience all sorts of things that he attributed to bad luck, when in reality he was shaping his experience by his expectations. The more he expected negative things to happen, the more negative things happened.


The process of the effect these inner conversations has on a person is very similar to how affirmations are used to instill positive thoughts. Constantly repeating the same idea affects the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind accepts these thoughts and words as truth or facts, and then acts on them - making those thoughts and words a reality.


Negative inner dialogues bring negative results, and positive inner dialogues bring positive results.


Did you know that you can use this process to your advantage?

Your inner dialogue is an automatic activity. It goes on whether you are aware of it or not. If you learn how to become aware of the conversation in your mind, you can learn to take control over what is being said. More importantly, you can learn to control what is being heard. You have the ability to turn it into a positive dialogue.


It will take some practice, but you can start by trying to be aware of your thoughts. Calmly watch what is going in your mind. Imagine that you are seeing your thoughts float by as if they were leaves floating down a stream. This shifts the internal conversation from something that goes on without your input, to something that you are aware of and can participate in.


The inner dialogue goes on even when you are physically or intellectually engaged with something else. It is not always easy to mentally separate yourself from the thoughts and words that flow through your mind, but you will get better at it with practice.


Try to set aside a few moments each day where you can practice watching the thoughts flow through your mind without getting attached to any of them. Eventually you will find that you are aware of your inner dialogue at different times throughout the day. Listening to your inner dialogue, as if you are a third person, develops detachment, and makes it easier control the hatter.


When you are able to notice your inner dialogue becoming negative and self-defeating, stop it by taking part in the conversation. Change the conversation to something more positive and useful. Change the subject, disagree with the negativity, and offer a more positive thought.


There is a technique that I use with my clients that change the conversation at the source, eliminating the negative dialogue altogether. You can understand this method by imagining that listening to your inner dialogue is like listening to a recording. Using hypnosis, you can replace the negative and harmful words with another recording that is positive and empowering. Using this technique in hypnosis makes the change occur instantly in most cases, changing the words of the inner dialogue to positive ones.


Having an inner dialogue is healthy and normal. Unfortunately, we are all too often giving ourselves negative thoughts that break down our confidence and lead to negative emotions, fears, and self-defeating behaviors. By becoming aware of it, replacing it with positive thoughts, and learning to manage it, you will enjoy the benefits of a more positive, productive, and happier life.∎


Karen Gray is a Registered Nurse, a Certified Hypnotist, and the owner of Green Mountain Hypnosis in Lebanon, New Hampshire. For more information on how you can use hypnosis to change your life, you can visit www.greenmountainhypnosis.com, or contact Karen at karengray@greenmountainhypnosis.com, or call (802) 566-0464.

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